Thoughts on Time...

“… it takes the time-stones of events to give a memory past dimension. Eventlessness collapses time.” - John Steinbeck

I ran across this quote in the book I just finished called “Travels with Charley” by John Stienbeck. In this book he studies Americans, America, and his random thoughts while driving across the country. This particular line, hit me.

My “adult” life so far has been sections of two to four year experiences…college, jobs, Peace Corps… and living in several places, never less than a year but never more than two. I like this. When I think back to travels, experiences, or life events, I think of where I was living or what work I was doing at the time. I have been fortunate and have had a life rich of experiences, and I am only 26.

The fear of “eventlessness” is one thing that pushes me towards my next goal in life. I want to accomplish something…what that is, I don’t yet know. But by doing things like the Peace Corps, I hope to find out. Part of me just thinks that if I keep achieving goals I will one day be satisfied, but the sensible part of me knows that my previous achievements don't make me feel better, they just make me go after something else.

While I am getting one of the most rewarding life experiences available, I wish time by. This is always in my nature. I look for the next thing. But here it is done with more free time to just think about...well...everything. While I wish time to go by I wonder if I made my life more eventful here, I would be happier. But part of me just wishes time to go fast so I make it home sooner to see the people most important to me. However, in Steinbeck’s quote, he says nothing of eventlessness making time seem to go faster, just that eventlessness makes it harder to remember. Ecuador has given me experiences and memories that will never go away…The smell of Eucalyptus, the rolling mountains, the hee-hawing sounds of donkeys bouncing down the valley. I will also never have time like this again to travel in my life. I really think Americans should have more down-time and appreciate the people in our lives versus an obligatory weekly, monthly, or yearly visit. And when “together time” is doing homework or yardwork on the weekends it seems like something is out of place.

Time management is one of the hardest things for PCVs to master. We are given so much free time with no guidance. Everything is self-motivated and for most, progress is undefined. I am lucky in this aspect. My project has clear goals and measures of progress. However, at times I am not so motivated to visit my neighbors when I know I should. I knew going into Peace Corps that integration would be a huge challenge for me. In that respect just making it in a community for two years will be a goal reached.

I have heard that it says in the Peace Corps families handbook not to ask your Peace Corps volunteer what they are doing when they come back. This makes sense. Two years in a different culture changes you. And questions like this can easily overwhelm. We expect the culture shock when we arrive in a new country but you never expect it returning to your own. But it happens to every volunteer. You become so accustomed to your new life that the States is like one giant rat-race. American food makes you sick. People just aren’t very friendly. And what’s with all this “stuff” we accumulate? What’s funny is that I have seen this already in myself…On my trip home last Christmas, on the cruise I took with my mom, when I eat at McDonalds, and with people visiting me. During the cruise, I noticed that the Ecuadorian staff were at times easier to get along with than the (mostly) American guests. Walking down a hallway or street in Ecuador, you greet everyone. At one point on the cruise I passed an American girl in the hallway that I had spoken to the previous night and she didn’t acknowledge my presence. But I greeted every staff member with a "Buenos ___" and "Como estas?" and genuine smile and they responded with a “Hey, she get’s us” conversation. I felt the coldness described by Ecuadorians about Americans.

I have an idea of what I will do when I return home. But I am a planner. I plan to apply to graduate schools in the next month or so. The goal is for a Water Resources Management program or something similar. I have learned that I chose well, or just plain got lucky, with my career choice out of college. I love engineering and I think I am wired up just right for the work. In particular, I enjoy the water and drainage aspects. However, I wish to know more on the subject. And not the engineering side of things but the geographical, legal, social, environmental sides of things...which is why I chose Water Resources as a grad program.

While I finish up my projects, I look forward to my Christmas visit to the States. Then I return to Ecuador and my program ends in March/April. And at that point I don't know if I will be back in Chicago or not. My new sense of "tranquilidad" makes it not seem so important. And my new sense of "familia" makes me want to be with the people I love. Maybe my new sense of time is right on.